I have failed.

by Denise Novaky on 08/23/13

The consequences of an act

affect the probability of its occurring again.      

  -BF Skinner

Well, I don't want to get all sci fi or Orwellian (1984) but some things are just a reality.  If a behavior is followed by a positive outcome, the person will continue behaving in that way.  If the behavior is followed by a truly negative outcome for the person, (s)he will stop acting in that way. PERIOD.

If I clean up your mess and take on the negative outcome because it will affect me less horribly than you, I should have no expectation that you will stop that behavior.  Maybe I will yell at you and show my disdain for a while.  That outcome may be aversive but apparently it is not intense or long lasting enough to be a truly negative outcome.

Despite knowing this truism, I cleaned up your mess and took the negative outcome on myself.  Whew... I am glad I saved you from that negative consequence because, although it  was not devastating, it certainly pinched and I learned my lesson.....

uh oh.....

that doesn't work.....

I have not behaved in the way that forced the negative outcome in the first place ....Actually, I have NEVER acted in that way!!

What's worse....I have no control over whether you will behave in that way again.  The universe provided me with control, on a silver platter, but I chose to solve the problem that never belonged to me instead of delivering the message TO YOU.

And so, I have failed.